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  #1  
Old 12-26-2004, 10:29 PM
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Default The Rules of Fandom
I have always stated that the three greatest contributions the internet has made to society are on-line banking, internet porn and the ability to mock dozens of Cowboys fans at once. After years of having Cowboys fans ask me where the rules were for which team you must support, I finally decided to write them down for their benefit. Although Cowboys fans seem to be the biggest offenders, the rules apply equally to everybody.

Please note that I did not create the rules. Rather, much like Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, I merely transcribed the messages I received from God after a long night of drinking Boddingtons.

They're His rules. If you have a problem with the rules, take it up with Him.


1. If you live within 100 miles of an NFL city, you must root for the team that represents the nearest NFL city, and ONLY that team. If I have to explain why you should root for a team that represents you and your community, it is too late for you. You are probably the type of person who rooted for the Soviet ice hockey team at Lake Placid.

A. Caveat A - If you Dad relocated from another city and imparted his love of that city's team upon you, you may root for either your Dad's team or your hometown team. But not both.

B. Caveat B - If you do not live within 100 miles of an NFL city, you are free to root for whomever you want, as long as you are not a fan of two or more of the following teams - Cowboys, Lakers, Bulls, Yankees and Red Wings.

2. If you move from an NFL city after having been a fan of that city's team for any extended period of time, you cannot immediately switch loyalty to your new city's team.

3. If you are a "life long" Cowboys/Yankees fan, do not try and convince me you are not a bandwagoner. I don't believe you.

4. I do not care if your brothers and uncles all rooted for your "team." Just because you come from a pack of rats doesn't make you any less of a rat.

5. If you root for a team because of their color scheme or helmets, just get it over with and watch the Lifetime Channel on Sundays.

6. Yes, I know it is a free country and you are free to root for whomever you like. And I am free to point out that you are a rat fuck for doing so.

7. I do not care if you have been a "die-hard" fan of "your" team through thick and thin. John Walker Lindh has remained loyal to the Taliban all this time. It doesn't make him any less of a rat fuck turncoat.

8. If you cannot adhere to any of these rules, please do me a favor and fuck off. Do not root for any of my teams. I'd hate to think that the guy who is high fiving me whenever A.I. breaks someone's ankles is the same guy who was revelling in my pain last January.

(Originally written by Muzzy_6 on 10-31-2004, transferred from old articles on 12-26-04)
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  #2  
Old 07-21-2005, 08:10 PM
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Default Re: The Rules of Fandom
WHo wrote these rules?
What kind of idiot did this????
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Old 07-21-2005, 08:12 PM
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Default Re: The Rules of Fandom
Quote:
Originally Posted by ....Q....
WHo wrote these rules?
What kind of idiot did this????
These rules are sacred.

The punishment for such disobediance should be great. Feel lucky that Muzzy and his boys aren't around. The internet pounding would be all too great.
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  #4  
Old 07-28-2005, 02:26 PM
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Default Re: The Rules of Fandom
lol these rules are stupid
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Old 07-28-2005, 02:28 PM
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Default Re: The Rules of Fandom
Somebody's gonna get buuuuusted....
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Old 07-28-2005, 02:30 PM
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Default Re: The Rules of Fandom
I remember these Rules!


they're Muzzy's Rules.
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Old 07-28-2005, 02:30 PM
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Default Re: The Rules of Fandom
Quote:
Originally Posted by domenick2x
Somebody's gonna get buuuuusted....
buuuuuuuuuusted old school...



Muzzy and Phila. They roll quite hard.
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Old 07-28-2005, 02:32 PM
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Default Re: The Rules of Fandom
I quite like the rules...
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  #9  
Old 07-28-2005, 02:36 PM
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Default Re: The Rules of Fandom
how come most people that have problems with people not liking hometown teams are philly fans?
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  #10  
Old 07-28-2005, 02:44 PM
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Default Re: The Rules of Fandom
Quote:
Originally Posted by STLCARDSFAN1
how come most people that have problems with people not liking hometown teams are philly fans?
Ummm..... because most of the rest of us don't really care ??


Just a guess.
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  #11  
Old 07-28-2005, 02:45 PM
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Default Re: The Rules of Fandom
Quote:
Originally Posted by STLCARDSFAN1
how come most people that have problems with people not liking hometown teams are philly fans?
Because they aren't shallow enough to pick whichever team is winning at the time as a favorite. Because they have waited over 20 years to see a championship team, while others have become Cowboys and Patriots fans just before their Super Bowl victories.

There are some sports "fans" in Philly that don't feel this way, though. They're the ones with Cowboys hats on--and, not by any sort of coincidence, black eyes.

I would have to imagine that these bandwagon "fans" don't get as much joy in seeing their favorite teams win as I do. That's why I don't mind them much. As much as defeat hurts a fan like myself, victory is that hollow for a typical bandwagon "fan."
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Old 07-28-2005, 02:48 PM
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Default Re: The Rules of Fandom
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitpen
Because they aren't shallow enough to pick whichever team is winning at the time as a favorite. Because they have waited over 20 years to see a championship team, while others have become Cowboys and Patriots fans just before their Super Bowl victories.

There are some sports "fans" in Philly that don't feel this way, though. They're the ones with Cowboys hats on--and, not by any sort of coincidence, black eyes.

I would have to imagine that these bandwagon "fans" don't get as much joy in seeing their favorite teams win as I do. That's why I don't mind them much. As much as defeat hurts a fan like myself, victory is that hollow for a typical bandwagon "fan."
Philly's cornered the market.


On not minding much.
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Old 07-28-2005, 02:49 PM
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Default Re: The Rules of Fandom
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fan
Philly's cornered the market.


On not minding much.
I'm a Baltimore fan.
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Old 07-28-2005, 02:49 PM
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Default Re: The Rules of Fandom
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Originally Posted by Fan
Ummm..... because most of the rest of us don't really care ??


Just a guess.
Let me suggest that, if this is true, then calling yourselves 'fans' is hypocritical.

'Fan' is derived from 'fanatic'. Fanatics who don't care are oxymorons (read - air breathing morons).

While there can be different levels of fanaticism (some would die for their cause, others wouldn't), in no case is there room for an open relationship with their source of pride.
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Old 07-28-2005, 02:49 PM
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Default Re: The Rules of Fandom
I'm a life-long Cowboy fan.....take it or shove it!
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Old 07-28-2005, 02:50 PM
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Default Re: The Rules of Fandom
Quote:
Originally Posted by CowboyLifer
I'm a life-long Cowboy fan.....take it or shove it!
shove it
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Old 07-28-2005, 02:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Pitpen
I'm a Baltimore fan.
Points !!
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Old 07-28-2005, 02:52 PM
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Default Re: The Rules of Fandom
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Originally Posted by domenick2x
Let me suggest that, if this is true, then calling yourselves 'fans' is hypocritical.

'Fan' is derived from 'fanatic'. Fanatics who don't care are oxymorons (read - air breathing morons).

While there can be different levels of fanaticism (some would die for their cause, others wouldn't), in no case is there room for an open relationship with their source of pride.
I didn't say I didn't care about my team.

But I really don't care about yours, or other teams' fans.
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Old 07-28-2005, 02:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Fan
Points !!
For what we lacked in a football, basketball or hockey team in my formative years, we more than made up for in crabs.

Mmm mmm good.
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Old 07-28-2005, 02:53 PM
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Default Re: The Rules of Fandom
why is everyone down on us cowboys fans
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